“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?” 
Matthew 7:1-4

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One of the things about adulthood that no one ever warned me about was the difficulty and complexity of a “friendship breakup.” While I have had seasons of friendships that have naturally come and gone because of work, seasons of life, where I lived, and those sorts of fluctuations, I recently experienced a sudden and unexpected “friendship breakup.” 

As I write this, I am still in the middle of some of the fallout, navigating changes in plans, friendship dynamics and disappointments. It’s hard, and it’s sad. And in many moments, it feels unkind and unfair.

Praying through this tough season has opened my eyes to the way I pray for the people in my life and shown me what it looks like to pray for people amidst relational struggle. When I haven’t had words for how to feel or what to do, the prayer of my heart has become, “Jesus, help me see myself more honestly and see them more like you do.”

Rather than praying to get my way or praying for any other form of justice, I could bring about in my power, my heart has come to see everything through the lens of a good and faithful God. A God who wants me to see where I am broken and make it new and right and to see others where they are beloved and hold that in my mind. 

Before I think about the hurt—hold and see their hurting. 

Before I think about justifying my feelings—see and feel their perspective. 

Before I place blame—unravel and unearth my own ownership and fallibility. 

As I think about the grief I feel from the loss of a tenured relationship, I hold them in my heart as someone who is deeply and dearly loved by God. Our God who wants to see us both experience the goodness of redemption and the glory of forgiveness. 

As we look at the brokenness in our world and injustices perpetrated against us or those we care about, Jesus first calls us to look to ourselves and see us as we really are—broken yet forgiven. Only then can we begin to see others as Jesus does—broken yet beloved. 

Next Steps

Where are you experiencing the struggle of injustice? Reflect on your posture towards that person or situation. Are you seeing yourself through an honest lens first, or are you more focused on placing blame? Spend time reflecting on your posture towards the situation. It may not change, but it may change your perspective. Ask God to help you see yourself more honestly and see them through the eyes of Jesus.