“Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!” Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, “Lord, who is going to betray you?”)  When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.”
John 21:18-22

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This week, we celebrate the dignity of every phase of life. However, as the decades fly by, physical aging frequently feels undignified to me. Along the way, my mom has given me insight into aging. When I turned eighteen, she warned me my metabolism would change  and I would have to watch what I ate. When I turned fifty, she told me it would soon be too painful to run (my favorite form of exercise). She was right on both counts, and I jokingly told her to stop telling me these things.

Most of us do not know how we will die, but Peter did because Jesus revealed it to him. Like Jesus, Peter would be crucified (John 21:18-19). Jesus contrasted the independence of youth with the helplessness Peter would experience when he was old and imprisoned. The wording makes me think of my mother. Five years ago, she was diagnosed with dementia. When it became clear Mom could no longer live on her own, my sister and I were the ones who “led her where she did not want to go.” We took her out of the home she loved, sacrificing the dignity of independence.

Dementia is slowly stealing my mom. Glimpses of the woman I used to know are less frequent, but I trust she is still in there, somewhere only God can reach. Since dementia runs in my family, I cannot help but wonder if that is the kind of death I will face. The thought motivates me to rely on what time can never steal—the dignity of being a beloved disciple of Jesus.  

I want to think like John, the author of today’s passage. Rather than using the first person, he described himself as “the disciple whom Jesus loved.” It seemed arrogant to me until I realized the phrase applies to all followers of Jesus. Each of us is the disciple whom Jesus loves. John also reminded everyone he was the one who leaned against Jesus at the Last Supper. Imagine leaning against Jesus as John did. That is the level of intimacy I desire.

The more the aging process humbles me, the more I understand the dignity and necessity of leaning on Jesus. That God’s power is perfected in weakness rings true (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). My concept of time has also changed. When I was young, I continually wanted to move on to better days. Now, I more often view time as precious. I frequently reminisce with fondness. When I do, there is plenty of evidence that I am “the disciple Jesus loves.” 

Next Steps

Today’s passage is rich. It touches on aging, helplessness, death, mission, discipleship, love, identity, and comparison. Read the passage slowly a few times picturing the scene. What stands out to you? How can you apply it to your life?