Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.” “Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”
1 Samuel 1:13-16

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Years ago, when television had a handful of channels and magically floated through the air to an antenna on your roof, there was a situational comedy named Three’s Company. Almost every episode revolved around a misunderstanding or miscommunication. For example, one character would overhear part of a conversation and then jump to the wrong conclusion. Usually, one clarifying question would have cleared up the confusion, but the whole show revolved around not doing that and the consequences that followed. As a high schooler, I found it quite annoying and decided I would not live my life like that.  

A couple of years ago, my daughter-in-law’s two siblings and mother were in town for a dying relative and stayed with me. At one point, she told me her sister was staying at a hotel. I can’t remember what I said, but I noticed an expression change on her face. So, I said something like, “Your expression changed. What I meant by what I said was I have room here for your sister, too. The kids can sleep on the couch. What did you hear?”

A big smile appeared on her face, “I heard, ‘Why didn’t you stay with your sister?’”  I reassured her that I enjoyed sharing my home with her, and we laughed about the easy duplicity. 

Assumptions, overreacting, under-reacting, reading between the lines, not being direct, and simply not trying to understand the other person happens so frequently in human relationships—in both big and small ways. Even Eli, a man of God, started with the wrong question. Instead, he could have reached out in compassion, asking, “What troubles you?” “How can I help?” “What brings you to the temple today?” Her story would tumble out regardless, but how nice it would be if Hannah wasn’t on the defensive but felt love and security instead. 

When we make assumptions about people—family, friends, and strangers—we are guessing at their thinking and emotions and start writing their stories. We are aggravated when someone assumes the wrong intentions for us, so why would we do that to someone else? When we seek to understand, we can reach out and be helpful because we see a person’s needs more fully. Identifying with someone also motivates us to be of service. It is better to ask the direct question and clear up the misunderstanding before it blossoms into a 30-minute episode that might seem funny in a sitcom but not so much when you are actually living through it. 

Next Steps

Pray about any ongoing discord and ask the Holy Spirit for the best question to clear up the misunderstanding. Moving forward, try to stay open-minded. When you feel threatened or get an unexpected reaction, take a deep breath and ask for clarification.