So Abram said to Lot, “Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herders and mine, for we are close relatives.  Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company. If you go to the left, I’ll go to the right; if you go to the right, I’ll go to the left.” Lot looked around and saw that the whole plain of the Jordan toward Zoar was well watered, like the garden of the Lord, like the land of Egypt. (This was before the Lord destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah.)  So Lot chose for himself the whole plain of the Jordan and set out toward the east. The two men parted company.
Genesis 13:8-11

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When there is one piece of dessert left and two sweet eaters want it, one cuts it in half, and the other person gets the first choice.  This method ensures the first person cuts the pastry in thoroughly equal portions, so no matter which piece the other person takes, it will be fair. 

When my children were younger, the oldest complained, “It’s not fair! You always pick me to do the chore.” For the next few tasks, I called all three kids together and reminded them who had done the last chore and I was choosing someone else now.  This demonstrated I was keeping track and taking turns between them. They simply had not remembered the “fair” because they focused on themselves.

We humans understand fair. We expect fair. We like fair. We celebrate fair. We strive for fair. We fight for fair. Isn’t it just like God to say, “That’s nice but try to sacrifice instead.” The sacrifice of Abram was for the sake of relationship. Fair will hold a relationship steady; however sacrifice creates an almost unbreakable bond for the relationship. We sacrifice in many little ways in our marriages, in our parenting, with friends and extended family for the sake of preserving relationships. Sometimes we compromise with a sigh or a growl, but to hold the relationship as the priority we will sacrifice our desires. 

I asked my phone to give me a synonym for sacrifice for the previous sentence to make my writing more interesting. The first phrase it offered was “ritual slaughter.” Yikes! I pictured a bloody animal on the altar. The more I considered it though, Abram thoughtfully offered the choice of land to Lot knowing full well he would choose the best portion for himself. Abram deserved the best land but “slaughtered” his yearning and right in his own mind. 

To be clear, Christians are not called to be doormats or suffer abusive situations. You are not called to be the actual sacrifice. This is a call to consider our wants and decide if they  interfere with deeper bonding in a relationship. This is a call to prayerfully discern if we can relinquish the desire to be right. “Agree to disagree” may be how a heated discussion should end.

Next Steps

Are you in a stalemate with someone over an issue? Are you feeling jilted over a situation with someone? Maybe you need to “slaughter” those emotions of insisting on “fair” and consider if the problem in light of the relationship at stake.