Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian slave named Hagar; 2 so she said to Abram, “The Lord has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my slave; perhaps I can build a family through her.”

Abram agreed to what Sarai said. 3 So after Abram had been living in Canaan ten years, Sarai his wife took her Egyptian slave Hagar and gave her to her husband to be his wife. 4 He slept with Hagar, and she conceived.

When she knew she was pregnant, she began to despise her mistress.  Then Sarai said to Abram, “You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering. I put my slave in your arms, and now that she knows she is pregnant, she despises me. May the Lord judge between you and me.”

“Your slave is in your hands,” Abram said. “Do with her whatever you think best.” Then Sarai mistreated Hagar; so she fled from her.
Genesis 16:1-6

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I went to bed one night years ago feeling very uneasy. I barely slept, and my fear was realized when I woke in the morning. I opened the app on my phone and read the contents of a review of me by a fellow team member that ripped me to shreds. 

It was the kind of thing where, although I can’t remember the exact words written, all these years later, I can still clearly recall how I felt. 

I was taking a seminary class at the institution where I worked, and in that class, we had been assigned a pretty hefty group project. My professor made me the team lead—an honor I didn’t really want. At our first team meeting, it was clear that four out of the five of us were clicking immediately. We reviewed a schedule I had proposed for meetings as well as how to divide and conquer the work. As a group, we discussed what I proposed, adjusted as needed, and agreed on the revisions. We then headed toward the library to work on the pieces that required collaboration. As we walked, the one team member—that didn’t quite seem to gel—headed toward the stairs while the rest of us headed down the hall. I was confused as we had all just agreed to head to the library and get started, but there she was walking in the opposite direction. Instead of saying anything, though, I just let her walk away. She intimidated me, and I let that feeling keep me from a simple question: Where are you going? 

What I didn’t know then was that this hesitation would be the very thing that would ignite whatever little flame of conflict was hidden under the surface. And by the end of the semester, when we had to evaluate each team member as a part of our grade, that flame would become the fireball that raced into my inbox that morning. She held nothing back. 

In today’s Scripture, Abram (eventually renamed Abraham) could have encouraged mutual compassion and respect between Sarai (Sarah) and Hagar when Sarai came to him. Instead, Abraham merely told Sarah to handle Hagar as she pleased, resulting in even more discord. He wasn’t willing to get involved. 

In my case, if I had just pushed aside those feelings of intimidation for the sake of the group dynamic and this teammate, I probably could have avoided a lot of unnecessary stress and pain. It’s often easier to avoid the conflict around us, but that isn’t always the wisest response. We must be discerning and ask God if we are to get involved. 

Next Steps

Reflect on a time when you may have avoided getting involved in a conflict. What is it that held you back? Take what you discover to God and ask Him to help you learn how to handle things differently in the future.